218. The Masculine Blueprint: Authentic Leadership in a Changing World with Mick Spiers

This episode tackles the often misunderstood traits of strength and stoicism, exploring how these characteristics can be redefined to foster personal growth and relational harmony. Youngblood offers three essential pillars for those grappling with the concept of masculinity: finding stability through emotional regulation, leading relationships with genuine collaboration, and ensuring the safety of those around you in all aspects. We also examine the role of social media in shaping perceptions of masculinity, highlighting the need for authenticity and clear communication in leadership and personal connections.

In a world where traditional masculinity is often scrutinized, we underscore the importance of navigating this landscape with purpose and authenticity.

Chapters

• 0:01 Modern Masculinity
• 16:26 Leadership Project YouTube Channel Subscription

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:01

So what does it mean to be a man in the modern world, we hear a lot about topics like toxic masculinity and men being labeled and being ashamed of their gender because of the darker history associated with being a male. In today's episode, I'm going to share my own reflections on the episode with GS Youngblood about his masculine blueprint. Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Leadership Project. I'm Mick Spiers, and today we're diving into a topic that I believe is both deeply important and deeply misunderstood. It's a reflection on our recent conversation with GS Youngblood about an exploration on so many broader questions about identity, authenticity and leadership in a modern world. So let me start with this question, what does it mean to be a man today, and perhaps more importantly, how has the definition of masculinity evolved over time, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse? The reality is, many men today are confused. They're unsure how to act, how to lead, or even how to simply show up as themselves. Some are afraid of being labeled, whether it's as a misogynist, a bully, or part of the so called toxic masculinity problem. Others feel ashamed of their gender altogether burdened by stereotypes and the darker history associated with being male, and this confusion doesn't just affect men. It ripples out into relationships, workplaces and society at large. Now to be clear that darker history is true, it has been traditionally a very male dominated world, and we still have massive issues with gender pay gap, with gender inequality. It's still a big issue. But on the other end of it, when we're having the correction that we need to have, men are also getting confused along the way about what it means to be a man and how they can show up as their authentic self without running the risk of their actions being completely misinterpreted or things coming out the wrong way. They didn't. They don't mean it that way, but it comes out the wrong way, and it doesn't matter whether they intend it or not. It's the impact of the words that happen. It's very confusing. On the other end of it, it's also not necessarily fair on women. Either we also see everyone reading everything into every action or every decision, at the moment, trying to put a label on it, and we need to take a step back. The awareness is important, the action is important, the allyship is important, but we need to take a step back from the judgment and from the labeling that's happening in many organizations, workplaces and in society in general. In my conversation with GS Youngblood, we talked about the masculine blueprint, a framework that's not about rolling back the clock to the 1950s no one wants that, but instead about redefining what it means to be a man in a way that is authentic, grounded and relational. Gs outlined three core pillars of the blueprint, get grounded. This is about regulating your nervous system and being in control of your emotional responses. When you're grounded, you respond rather than react. You create space to think process and make intentional choices, instead of being on autopilot. As GS said, this ability to stay calm and composed even when emotions run high, is foundational, not just in relationships, but in leadership and what as well. And this is not gender specific at all, both male leaders and female leaders need to get grounded, need to take time, need to pause process and make intentional choices. The second pillar was bring bringing leadership into relationships. This isn't about domination or control. It's about clarity, direction and inclusivity. True leadership in any relationship, whether it's personal or professional, comes from a place of authentic. Community and collaboration, where you co create solutions, but it's not about backing off, either, it's not about diminishing your voice and allowing others to step forward and walk all over you. Either, it's about balance, it's about collaboration and it's about co creation. The third pillar was about creating safety, emotional, physical and psychological safety. This means creating environments where people feel seen, they feel heard and they feel respected in relationships. It's about holding space for your partner's emotions in the workplace, it's about fostering trust and inclusion, where everyone feels included, where no one feels excluded. These three pillars are universal. They're not tied to a specific gender. They are qualities that anyone can adopt, but they're particularly relevant for men today because of the tension many feel around modern masculinity. So let's talk about this tension. Historically, masculinity has been associated with certain stereotypes, strength, dominance, stoicism, control, some of these traits were celebrated at moments in history, but often to the detriment of emotional health and relational connection, emotional health of both parties, love of the person that is showing those very strong, masculine, dominant characteristics, and then also the person on the receiving end. Fast forward to today, and we're seeing a backlash against these traditional ideals, terms like toxic masculinity are now part of our cultural lexicon, pointing out behaviors that are harmful, not just to others but to men themselves. And while this critique is necessary, it's absolutely necessary and valid. It's also created a level of confusion for many men. Some men are now afraid to act. They are worried about saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing or being seen as part of the problem. This fear can lead to a kind of inauthenticity, where men either suppress their true selves or try to conform to an ideal that isn't genuine. And when we're not authentic. We're not grounded, we lose clarity. We struggle to lead effectively, whether it is in our personal lives or in the workplace. My personal view is that this phenomena, these myths and controversies surrounding masculinity, are being exacerbated by algorithmic bias on social media. So where we have people of both genders, or all genders, for that matter, when they watch something on social media and they dwell on that story for any length of time, the algorithm picks up, oh, this person must like this content and start serving up even more of it. So if you're a female watching a lot of videos about toxic masculinity, all of a sudden, all of your social media feed is filled with stories about toxic masculinity, and you start forming a view that every male in the world, all 49% of the world's population, are all the same, same for men, what they're watching on social media goes into an algorithmic bias fueled cycle where if they're not watching the right things, If they're not seeing things with balance in the story. They start seeing a different side of the world, and it starts compounding. And they start questioning themselves. And they start questioning whether they are part of the problem. Not all men are equal, not all men are equal. We are not equal. There are some horrible men in this world. But I'll tell you what, there's some damn nice ones as well, some genuine, authentic caring men out there that are now getting worried about getting labeled because of either historical characters or the bad eggs that are out there. So why are men confused? The confusion stems from a few key areas, the shift in gender norms over the past several decades, gender roles have evolved significantly. Women have had women have made incredible strides in achieving equality. In the workplace and beyond, and rightly so, although I have to say there's still much more work to do. We're nowhere near where we need to be. There's still a glass ceiling. There's still gender payer inequality. There is still a lot of gender inequality of all types. So and we need to do much more. But this shift has left some men wondering, what's my role now? How do I lead without overshadowing How do I support without being passive? These are valid questions, and the answers aren't always straightforward. Then there's the legacy of male privilege, let's be honest, men, particularly white men, and I have to stick my hand up here, I am privileged. I I come from exactly what I'm talking about here. Have historically held a disproportionate amount of power, and with that power has come abuse, exploitation and discrimination. Today's men are often judged by this history, even if they don't personally embody those behaviors. They get pre judged. This can lead to feelings of guilt or shame which aren't constructive, emotions for building authentic leadership. Now to be clear, I want to do more. I want to be a better ally. I want to see an end to all of this, but I don't like the idea that men are being pre judged even before they open their mouth. Then there's the fear of backlash in the workplace, some men hesitate to give feedback to female colleagues, worried that it will be taken the wrong way. Others avoid mentorship relationships for fear of being accused of misconduct. These fears are not unfounded. After all, we've seen high profile cases of genuine abuse of power, but they also highlight the need for clearer guidelines and better communication. So what is the path forward? Where do we go from here? How can men navigate these complexities and show up as authentic, grounded leaders? First, we need to redefine masculinity. Masculinity isn't about power over others. It's about power within yourself. It's about being strong enough to be vulnerable, about being brave enough to show your emotions and clear enough to set boundaries where sticking up your hand and asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. That's what modern masculinity should look like. Second we need to let go of shame. Shame is a paralyzing emotion, and it doesn't let lead to growth. Instead of feeling ashamed of being a man, focus on how you can embody positive traits like empathy, integrity and courage. Third, we need to embrace inclusivity. Leadership today isn't about the loudest voice in the room. It's about listening, deeply listening. It's about collaborating. It's about creating environments where everyone can thrive. And finally, we need to do the inner work as GS Young Blood emphasized being grounded starts with regulating your nervous system and addressing your own trauma. This isn't easy work, but it's essential if you want to show up fully for others. So here's a challenge for you to reflect. I want you to take a moment to reflect on these questions. Are there ways in which you are holding back your true self, whether it's at work, at home or in your relationships? How might you practice being more grounded, more present and more authentic? And what steps can you take to redefine what masculinity means to you? Remember, this isn't about getting it perfect. It's about being intentional, being curious and being willing to grow. I'd also challenge you to have better conversations. Allyship is all about curiosity and having open conversations about assumptions, about bias, about things that are going in our mind. So if you're really struggling with something, it could be in a workplace or in a relationship, go up to that person, have an open conversation about it. It might be, hey, I really wanted to give you some feedback today, but I was, I was concerned about how it might be perceived, or how it might come across, and I'd really love to have a conversation with you about that, so that I can understand what your needs are, what how you like to receive feedback, how you like to be led so. That we can have a really valuable relationship together. Have an open and transparent conversation, not just about the conversation you wanted to have, but whatever that emotion was that was holding you back from having that conversation. Give someone the trust, give them the benefit that they are there for you and have that honest conversation with you. Now, as we wrap up, I want to remind you of something GS said that really struck with me. People trust you when you're grounded, whether you're leading a team, a family or just yourself, that trust starts with how you show up. Be intentional. Be intentional with how you show up. Be intentional about who you're becoming, who you want to be, how you want to be seen, how you want other people to experience you, and when you're authentic, when you're grounded, when you step into that person, you'll see great things happen in your life. Thank you for taking this journey with me today. Let's keep having these conversations about masculinity, about leadership and everything in between, because they matter. If you found value in this episode, we would love it if you would leave us a rating or review on Apple podcast or your preferred podcast service, and we'd love it if you'd subscribe to the Leadership Project YouTube channel, where we bring you weekly video podcasts, weekly curated videos on leadership topics, And our live stream show all designed to help you become the leader that you wish you always had. So until next time, keep leading with purpose. Stay grounded and remember authenticity is your greatest superpower. Thank you for listening to The Leadership Project mickspiers.com a huge call out to Faris Sedek for his video editing of all of our video content and to all of the team at TLP. Joan Gozon, Gerald Calibo and my amazing wife Sei Spiers, I could not do this show without you. Don't forget to subscribe to The Leadership Project YouTube channel, where we bring you interesting videos each and every week, and you can follow us on social, particularly on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. Now, in the meantime, please do take care, look out for each other and join us on this journey as we learn together and lead together.