193. Becoming Fearless with Dr. Benjamin Ritter

💭 Ever wondered how to transform fear into a powerful ally?

Well, you're in for a treat! Dr. Benjamin Ritter returns to our show to unveil the compelling insights from his new book, "Becoming Fearless." Inspired by his popular "Fearless Friday" podcast segments, Dr. Ritter redefines fear, turning it from a crippling emotion into a valuable source of information.

Join us as we explore how fear influences both personal and professional realms and learn actionable strategies to harness it for achieving mindset shifts, career growth, and fulfilling relationships.

Curious about conquering the fear of public speaking? Dr. Ritter dives deep into this common anxiety, breaking down its root causes and revealing practical techniques to tackle it head-on. By reframing negative self-talk and transforming physical symptoms of nervousness into positive energy, you'll discover how preparation and practice can build unshakeable confidence. We highlight how mastering your mind plays a crucial role in overcoming fear, urging you to feel your feelings, rethink your thoughts, and dissolve limiting beliefs that hold you back.

Feeling stuck in the pursuit of happiness? Shift gears with Dr. Ritter as he discusses creating happiness from within by embracing the present moment and practicing gratitude. Learn how personal accountability can pivot your mindset from victimhood to empowerment, making you the active creator of your reality.

As we delve into leadership, Dr. Ritter emphasizes investing in yourself and fostering a fearless work environment. Finally, we wrap up by finding joy in past moments of happiness and applying those lessons to support ourselves and others.

Mark your calendars for the release of "Becoming Fearless" on September 17th, 2024, and join us in embracing a fearless future.

🌐 Connect with Dr. Benjamin:
• Website: https://www.liveforyourselfconsulting.com/becomingfearless
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drbenjaminritter-leadershipdevelopment/
• Instagram: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drbenjaminritter-leadershipdevelopment/

📚 You can purchase Dr. Benjamin's book at Amazon:
• Becoming Fearl

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Chapters

• 0:01 Becoming Fearless
• 11:36 Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking
• 16:14 [Ad] Business & Society with Senthil Nathan
• 17:02 (Cont.) Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking
• 17:40 Mastering Your Mind to Overcome Fear
• 27:33 Embracing Personal Accountability and Present Moment
• 31:49 [Ad] Virtual Rockstar
• 32:40 (Cont.) Embracing Personal Accountability and Present Moment
• 42:21 Building Fearlessness in Leadership
• 57:18 Finding Joy and Fearlessness

Transcript

Mick Spiers: 0:00

What is your relationship with fear? Do you let fear get in the way of the person and the leader that you could become in today's episode of The Leadership Project, we are rejoined by Dr. Benjamin Ritter and celebrate his new book, Becoming Fearless. Ben and I unpack our complex relationship with fear. What is fear? What is fear trying to tell us? How can we reframe fear to be something that works for us instead of against us? Stay tuned as this episode is full of practical tips on how you can change how you manage fear and create the fulfilling life you have always wanted. Hey everyone, and welcome back to The leadership Project. I've got a special treat for today. We have a return guest. We have Dr. Benjamin Ritter, who you may recall from Episode 118 of The Leadership Project podcast. He's rejoining us today with a special announcement, and that is the launch of his new book, Becoming Fearless, and that's what we're going to focus on today. We've spoken about fear quite a bit on the show. Now we're going to go a little bit deeper. So I'm really excited for today's conversation. So Ben, I would love it if you would share with the audience a little bit about why this book and why this book. Now, what was inspiring you to bring this book, Becoming Fearless, out into the market?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 1:30

Like i imagine you've created something for the world, and people responded a little differently, and that's like, in a good way, and that's what happened when I came out with my Fearless Friday podcast segments. So every week I jump on LinkedIn and I give a two to three minute tidbit, you know, a thought, an idea, some sort of action that people can take to become a little bit more fearless in their life. Get uncomfortable, basically. And out of everything that I've posted, because I also posted on my podcast, people just were seemed to be empowered, intrigued, engaged, and I started wondering about this topic of fear, and how it relates to how I work with clients in terms of self leadership and personal accountability and empowerment. And anytime a client is held back on a goal, it's generally, I mean, I'd say all the time, due to some aspect of fear, some aspect of there's a belief that they are labeling in a way that prevents them from taking action. And I was like, Well, I want to write a book on this. And guess what? I have all the content, or some of the titles and types of content from these podcasts I've been doing for the past year and a half to two years. Let's see if I can put together something that would add some value to the world, and Becoming Fearless is born.

Mick Spiers: 2:45

Yeah, brilliant. So now I want to get right into it. I want to maybe even challenge some of this stuff here. So you say Becoming Fearless, but isn't fear just a normal thing. What I want to put to you here is when people feel fear. It is normal, but it's what we do with that fear that makes the difference. So So is it Becoming Fearless, or is it about being able to manage our fears when I look at your book?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 3:12

I'd like to redefine the word fear. I would just let's get rid of it, hence Becoming Fearless, where you stop labeling things as something to be afraid of, and instead label them as information. So as you said, manage fear. That's generally what a lot of the tips are doing. They're letting you look at fear, take a step back from it, recognize that there's nothing to be afraid of, and then try to plan towards your goals and towards your values. But for that to happen, you need to redefine how you interpret the feeling of fear, and I don't want to, not I want to. I don't want to denormalize fear. I want to make sure that people understand everyone does feel some aspect of fear, just certain people that are fearless define it as something different.

Mick Spiers: 3:53

I like this a lot, so it's a reframing, a re labeling. If you like that, it is normal you are going to experience in your life. But do we have to be so afraid of it? So yeah, really like that. One of the things I noticed in the book you've you've broken it down into two major sections, personal and professional, which the first thing I look at there is we do come across it in multiple aspects of our life, in our daily life, in our family life, in our daily interactions with the world. And then there's a fear that we might encounter in our career, in our professional world. Tell us more about why you you broke it down into these two sections?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 4:37

Yeah, in even in those sections, you have mindset success and relationships, for personal and job satisfaction, leadership, presence and career growth for professional fear, can sometimes be very targeted for someone where they can have they can jump out of airplanes. They even have no problem talking to anyone in a room. But then you get them in front of a boss, and they feel like they have to be very due to. And follow the hierarchy and not speak up and play their role. And so I split them out into these different categories, because people deal with different types of, you know, fear in terms of how it holds them back. And also there are just fear does impact us in every category of our life, but in different ways. And sometimes we're not even aware of it. We're not aware that the reason why maybe we don't send that networking message is because we're afraid of being rejected. We don't realize that if we want to get a promotion, that we don't just expect our boss to give it to us. We actually have to become uncomfortable and ask how to get that promotion and start acting that way. And in our personal life, maybe we just have we haven't defined really who we want to be or what we want to achieve, or even feel comfortable talking to a stranger just like we would in terms of a networking message, but we define them differently in our mind. And so by calling these out, I was really trying to create a book that was all encompassing for the fear that faces us. Because all the leaders I work with, I don't know about you, but when I have a coaching conversation, their personal life is still impacting how they show up at work and impacting what they bring to that time. And so if someone can learn how to become fearless at any area of their life, I feel it'd be a learning opportunity for that can apply to also any area of their life.

Mick Spiers: 6:08

There's no doubt about that. It bleeds across what's happening in your personal life impacts your career and vice versa. And the more that we understand that, the better that we can control it. Now, one of the sayings that we have here at The Leadership Project is that fear and limiting beliefs kill more dreams than failure ever did. So it's the actual inaction. In the book, you've got this first section under personal which is the mindset, and you start with conquering your fears. What does it mean to conquer your fears, Ben?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 6:40

It doesn't mean that fear disappears. Now, maybe if we change the label and just believe that fear doesn't exist, that would be wonderful, but what it truly means is that you decide that how you feel is not going to prevent you from achieving what you want. That's it. And too often, our feelings become excuses. We label we label them as maybe something that's not safe, and so we feel that the thing that we want to achieve isn't we're not able to it's not possible. And Becoming Fearless or conquering your fears means that if you want to do something, if you feel that something is off in your life and it aligns with who you are as a human being, that you have full right to go try to achieve that and take action towards it. And the results don't matter, but what matters is, do you feel empowered and accountable to live a life that's based on who you are and what you care about? And honestly, if you take this up and look at it from a higher level, it's all about what live for yourself. Consulting is about. You know, how do you live for yourself when you identify your values and then you align them in your life in a way that's fearless.

Mick Spiers: 7:39

One of the things that we know about fear is how debilitating it can be, and that our fear of loss can be five to 10 times greater than our appreciation again, and why it might be so omnipresent in our thoughts and feelings. My question to you is, isn't fear trying to tell us something. Now, whether that thing is real or not, isn't fear trying to draw our attention to say, hey, hey buddy, you better pay attention to something here. How does that sit with you?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 8:13

The fear isn't what's trying to tell us something. And I Yes, it's like a yes, and because, like, the cycle of fear that tends to happen when it's negative, when it's holding us back, we have these feelings of trepidation. Our heart maybe starts beating, our palms get sweaty, our eyes get bigger. We have feelings inside because we're about to do something that's uncomfortable to us at the time. So we take these feelings and we label them. But it might not be uncomfortable, by the way, it might be excitement. It'd be a lot of things. We label them with our thoughts, and that's where the thought comes in. This is uncomfortable. This is fear, this is excitement. This is something new, whatever that thought is, we label when it comes to fear, we go, this is something that's unsafe. These feelings that I'm having right now represent fear, and depending on how we define fear and a lot of individuals and why I wrote the book, to find fear something to avoid, we then create a belief of this thing is not safe. I need to get away from it. So we could do a couple of things. We could recognize fear and then change the belief of fear means I take action. Fear means that I need to pay attention. Fear needs, and it means I need to do something. What I would prefer us to do is, when we start thinking that what we feel is fear, do what you just said, which is, I'm going to not label this as fear. And a label this is something that my body is telling me to pay attention right now, that something important is going on. Simon Sinek has this great little video, and he's talking about professional athletes taking the game winning shot. And he talks about how when, when they get interviewed after the game and the announcer goes, or the interviewer asks them, you know, are you were you nervous? Were you afraid? And the athlete is, no, I was excited. And. I would love us all to get to a point where fear becomes the sign that you just said of not fear, but hey, this means that you're on the right path. Go have some fun.

Mick Spiers: 10:13

Yeah, I like this a lot. And it is this reframing again, it is paying it is drawing your attention to something, but you get to choose what that is and how you feel about it, and the excitement's really interesting. So I'm going to throw one out here. Always feel like I'm going out on a limb here when I share this with people, I'm a rare person that I've never had a fear of public speaking. Don't know why, and yet, for some people, it's their greatest fear, really debilitating fear of public speaking. And then there's others that will reframe that and go if you're not feeling fear about public speaking, it means that you don't care enough, and that the you can reframe those same physiological feelings that you're having at that time before you go on stage and re label that as excitement about what you're about to do, as opposed to fear of what you're about to do. How does that example of public speaking? Because a lot of people that listen to this show, this is going to be a big one for them. How do we bring this conquering fears into this fear of public speaking as an example?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 11:22

Can't tell you how many clients I've worked with that have a hard time with public speaking anytime where they're and they feel like everyone's looking at them. I mean, there's a bunch of stuff that is causing potentially that what we call fear. Maybe you're worried about what people are going to judge you. Maybe you're worried about some sort of consequence to your job. Maybe you're worried, just in general, that you're going to mess up. Maybe you're worried about the fact that you just know that you're not good at public speaking and are afraid of being bad at public speaking. There's a lot of different reasons for whatever the feelings that you might be having. The fear is more than just the fear of public speaking. It's the fear of practice. It's the fear of hiring a coach, it's the fear of listening to a podcast about public speaking. It's the fear of practicing. It's the fear of even, like any sort of intervention. So we have to be careful when we're like, trying to intervene in an area that we're afraid of, such as public speaking, to solely focus on just that, like the feelings themselves, because there's a lot of interventions that we could do to potentially help this area of public speaking. How you would apply this to it is generally, you maybe think that you have to go speak, you start feeling your heart beat faster, and my I speak a lot publicly, my leg will start to shake like literally, my leg will start to shake and generally, then when people are afraid, they go, Oh, this means that I'm going to break down. I'm going to have, I'm going to have some sort of nervous reaction, I'm going to stutter, I'm going to not remember what I'm going to say, and all of a sudden, now you just have, you get caught in the cycle of, oh, no, I'm feeling this thing. This means this now this is this belief, and it just actually ends up spiraling out of control. And I've known multiple people to multiple people to have panic attacks when they have to speak publicly because they get caught in the cycle, and they don't they don't learn how to interrupt it. And it is a very real fear for for certain individuals. So I'm trying not to undermine that fear, but like for me, personally, I don't have it that high of a regard. If I'm going into a big speaking event and I'm like, feeling myself starting to get nervous instead of going, I'm going to be terrible. I tell myself, Wow, my body is, like, getting prepped. Look at all this extra energy that I have to to give away to the stage. Sometimes I'll even, like, tighten up my body and release it. Because I'm like, Oh, I gotta get all I like, I don't need all this energy. Let's get rid of some of it. And then when I'm getting ready to go on stage, I just tell myself, it's just another conversation. It's just another another conversation. And so I'm trying to show my body and my mind that the feelings that I'm having are a positive benefit or not true. Like, there's, there's a couple different paths I'm taking. It's positive benefit. Oh, I'm excited about this conversation. There's a lot of energy that I can use, and not true, which is, it's not that big a deal, like, it's just another conversation that I always have. And now there's a lot of things I've done before that too, in terms of prep and practice to ensure that I can believe what I'm telling myself. And hopefully that adds a little bit of clarity of, like, how I handle it, but also the fact that, like, this is a this it's not just about getting on stage in public speaking, the fear can actually prevent a lot of the other things that can that need to happen to help you work in this area of your life.

Mick Spiers: 14:35

There's three things I'm hearing, Ben. I want to play it back to you and and see what you think. So the first one is about it being an intentional act. So if we leave it unfettered, and these feelings come across us, these fears, these feelings, if we don't intervene, there's a good chance that it might go into a negative spiral and we start making a. Assumptions? Are you only feeling that because and you're ending those sentences with negative affirmations, not positive ones. The second thing I picked up from you there is to intervene and go, Well, what is this trying to tell me? Do I even know this to be true? So the challenging statement, so the negative inner chatter comes into your mind and it starts telling you something. And you know, news break for everyone, we all have an inner chatter in our mind, and we get to decide whether it's a negative or a positive one. We have this negative inner voice, and the first step is to challenge it and go, Well, do I even know that to be true, or am I just being a little bit ridiculous here in terms of my extrapolations? And then the third one was really interesting, Ben, is that I'm hearing that you're going, what can I make with this? How can I turn this potentially negative feeling that I've just had? How can I turn into this, that into something that I work with? How does that sit with you? So this kind of process of a intentional intervention, then a challenge. Do I know this to be true? And then what do I make of it? Instead of it holding me back, how do I turn it into a positive?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 16:54

So in the book, there's three entries, one of them is, feel your feelings. So what's actually happening in your body. Bring some real awareness to it, not anything else other than the feelings. Understand what's happening physically to you. Generally, we just skip right ahead and label those feelings as something. But those feelings can mean anything, so let's just get aware of them. There's a think about your thoughts. So then it's okay. So I now I have this thought, What could this mean in a positive way? Instead of jumping to the negative to prevent that spiral, how do I use this? And then there's don't believe your beliefs, which means challenge how you previously have been labeling your fear and what it means about you and what you're capable of, and be that champion. Relabel things in a way that serve you, so you can figure out an action that you can take that does so they love the three different steps that you shared. They're right on the money. And it's not easy. This is not a process that happens overnight, but it is a process that can help you take one step forward in an area that you might be holding yourself back in. I have a client who is getting out of the fear cycle right now. Their perspective on their fears is at a point where they can't think of the opposite. And they need a mentor. They need a support. They need someone they can trust, such as a coach and maybe even other resources. Because they were living in a silo. They weren't listening to podcasts, reading books about the areas that were holding them back to help them see that there was another way to believe about the situation that they were in. And you see this, sometimes people that get caught in kind of this idea that the job market is terrible right now, so they latch on to this because they've been rejected, and they don't know how to navigate the current market, and they've been in a silo, and it's easier for them to believe that than it is to do the other actions that they might be able to take. For whatever reason, it was at a point where there was a belief that they would never even get another job, which some people listening to this might be in that place, but if you are, I promise you you will get another job, and I might. There are so many different ways to navigate your career, as long as you don't fall into hopelessness. And I believe the book Becoming Fearless and even just the thoughts, even what you were sharing right now is putting us in the driver's seat of our life and saying that a feeling isn't strong enough, isn't bigger than the things that we care about, and that's really what we're trying to do. I'm bigger than a feeling, because my feeling comes for me, and so that means that whatever I feel, I can do something opposite. It might be difficult, but eventually, over time, I could, I can't.

Mick Spiers: 19:32

Yeah, really good. Ben, so I'm hearing a couple of things here. One is that don't believe your beliefs. That caught my attention when I was reading the book, for sure, it was really interesting and this challenging of our beliefs to make sure that we are asking us ourselves those questions. Do I know this to be true and to intervene and to go along that process, but something interesting you picked up there. There might be people that are in the audience listening to this right now that might have developed a negative in a chatter that is a one track record, and they keep on hearing the same thing over and over again, and they're only seeing one perspective of any problem. And a former guest on the show, Stephen shedlesky, he shared something with us that was really interesting, that is, people can't always read the label on the jar from inside the jar, and what you're now saying is to get some if you'll find yourself in that same repeated pattern where the only thing that plays over in your head is the same pattern, that you might need some external help to help you see a different perspective and see a different way. Of looking at whatever that challenge is. How does that sit with you?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 20:43

If you're living in fear and it's been holding you back, you probably are also in an environment that perpetuates that fear. And that environment could also include your mind. It is the number one reason why people are stuck in fear is that their mind is telling them they should be now. There could also be a lack of positive influence, like, if you're there could be a lack of external knowledge, and they're not listening to this podcast. The Shame on them, right? So share this podcast with all your friends, and it is something that is, it is it sounds kind of easy on the surface. It's okay. So I'm having a hard time, and I believe something about myself that doesn't serve me that I want to change. Okay, so let's pick you up and drop you into an environment that focuses 100% on the fact that you can accomplish this thing, except put yourself around people that are doing it. Read books about how to do it, listen to podcasts about how to do it, and write down every day it's, I don't know if you remember, like in The Simpsons Bart got in trouble when he was writing on a chalkboard. On a chalkboard the reason why he got in trouble over and over again. We have to do that with the things that we feel, that we want to accomplish, too. The problem is in fear, especially in the fear cycle. You know what happens every single time, every meeting you're in, you're in that meeting going, they're going to judge me, they're going to judge me, they're going to judge me. And then, like you have five meetings a day, and all you're telling yourself is they're going to judge me. They're going to they're was it was that stupid? Was that something or what? What did they think of that? And it's like, literally, you are on a broke you're a broken record of negativity to help you become who you really, truly need to be.

Mick Spiers: 22:12

I'm picking up an analogy here around habit building. Ben, so when we talk about habits is, you know, a lot of science around there. They say the average time it takes to build a new habit is 66 days. Obviously, that's an average so depending on what the habit is, sometimes it could be longer, sometimes it could be shorter, but let's say 66 days to build a new habit. And what I'm hearing from you is your current state of mind is almost like an existing habit that you've been doing for a long time. And what you're going to need to do now is to build a new habit, a new positive habit. So your example of Bart Simpson writing on the chalkboard, it's daily repetition that that gets that's there, to the new process, this is going to require some commitment to be able to do this, but what I'm hearing from you is, if you don't do anything different, it's just going to perpetuate. And we need to step in, and we need to take a few different actions, but we need to do so over an extended period of time before the new way of thinking, the new mindset, might take hold. How does that sit with you?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 23:25

Becoming Fearless is about building better habits that serve your values and your goals. It's about being aware of your thoughts and your feelings and your beliefs so that you can take the actions that you need. And there's a variety of areas of your life, this could be helpful something as simple as focusing on one thing at a time during a meeting, because you want to have more executive presence, and you can't do that if you're not engaged to something a little bit more complicated, crafting your job to increase greater levels of job satisfaction. But fear tends to hold us back in those categories. And this book covers 65 different areas of our life, and it's not like you can read the book in one sitting. You totally can, but you need to read the book, pick one of those 65 things, and try it for a week, try it for a month, and that will lead to change.

Mick Spiers: 24:10

I read the book in one sitting as well, by the way, and this is going on to what we might discuss at the very end of the interview, but I did find it very affirming that something that everything makes sense in the book. And what I love is at the end of every mini chapter there's a single positive affirmation that brings it together. So I then see it as something that you wouldn't read once you'd actually have potentially in your bedside table, and if you're going through some challenging times, you might pick it up and just read another chapter again, or flick to the chapter that you need at that moment. So what does the world need you to know right now? It's a very powerful book the way it's been written. Ben, I'd share that. Well, I was going to share that at the end of the show, but I'm going to share that with you now.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 25:00

Thank you, and thank you. I was just going to say it's also how I learned and when I was growing and evolving as a leader and as a human. I'd read a 400 page book, a 300 page book, 100 page book, 150 page book, and it would, I'd pick one thing from every book, and I was like, just give me the one thing I need to do, because I understood that, or one one thing I need to think, or one thing I need to do. And it was because I understood that to actually create change, you can't just sit down and wait for change to happen. You need to create it, and either in terms of how you approach the world, in terms of your mentality, your perception, or through your actions, and hopefully it inspires some action.

Mick Spiers: 25:39

All right, so that's a beautiful segue to the next part I picked up in the book, which was about create instead of Chase happiness, and the shift from a victim to a creator mindset. How does one start to shift from chasing happiness to creating our own happiness, and to shift from a victim mindset to a creator mindset. That's probably an entire podcast on itself. But how do you even start Ben, I am a creator mindset, so this is where I've got to practice a bit of empathy, because I've never been one to blame my circumstances and to have a victim mindset. But I know a lot of people out there get stuck in that rut. How do they start to shift the frame from victim to creator?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 26:22

So we have, we have two different pieces there, and I'll try to give one for each. So we have the one which is create instead of chase happiness. What I focus on in the book here is really stands out to me about happiness is that we have goals, and we set those goals and we try to achieve them. And I was actually talking to a client today, this morning, who said, you know, Ben, this is just like, really, it's really busy time right now. In three months, I think we're going to be like, normal. I'm going to be able to do the things that we were talking about, balance and all that stuff. Okay, set a reminder. Let's send an email three months from now and see if anything has changed. And he's like, Oh, I see what you're doing. Is it my my mindset and how I'm approaching work, or is it the environment itself, maybe it's both. And so when we think about happiness, we set goals, and maybe we don't work on things right now because we're thinking that something's going to change. We'll be able to work on it later. Or we set goals and work really hard, and we think we're gonna be happy when we achieve them, then we achieve them, and then what tends to happen, we set we set new goals and working towards them again. I'm gonna be happy when I get this thing. And we have to stop and just say, like, when was I actually happy? Or in that, that example, with that individual, when did I actually have balance? Because you've accomplished it before, like you've you've had this thing in the past. That's how you know it exists. But when and remember that that feeling wasn't generally because you achieved something, it was because you felt it. You decided to create it. So in our lives, we need to remember that we can create joy just by feeling that we're joyful, by remembering the things that we've accomplished in the past, by being gracious and having gratitude for who's in front of us today, by taking a moment and connecting with the person in front of it, just remembering the things that make us happy. And so that's what I mean by instead of chasing happiness, we need to create it, because it's within us all the time, some harder than sometimes harder than others, and then in terms of the victim situation, and I've shared this before, but I was a victim very much in my career. I blame my boss, I blame my organization. I blame my job for not bringing me meaning, for making me feel unsafe. And sometimes you hear this too when you're in a relationship and you're arguing and you're like, I can't believe you. You made me angry. You made me feel that. You made me sad. No, no, the person didn't do that, the situation, the action created some sort of you have some sort of belief or some sort of expectation in that situation, and then you've decided to label it in some way, shape or form. So I was expecting my job to give me meaning, and because I wasn't happy, every single day, I blame my job for doing that, and I was being the victim. Or you're a victim in a relationship, because maybe you don't set expectations or follow through, or you stay in a situation that isn't right for you. Well, in my job, I have power. In my relationships, I have power. And so if you don't want to be the victim, you take a look at the things that you want to achieve, and then you go, am I doing everything in my power to go achieve that thing? Or am I waiting for someone to do it for me. And going back again to the How Do I feel, how do I think, and what I believe, and how do I act? And if you want to change from being a victim, stop blaming people for your situation, and start creating some personal accountability for it. And yes, everyone has different starting lines in different situations and different bosses and maybe toxic work environments, but a toxic work environment is a lot more toxic if you just react to the people around you instead of setting boundaries.

Mick Spiers: 29:22

I like this word personal accountability. It's really powerful, and it's sitting well with me Ben, and just knowing that we can't always control what happens around us. We can't control the behavior of other individuals. We can't always control our circumstances. What we can control is how we respond, and what we can control is what we do about it. So taking that a personal accountability, to take some action, to do what I can with what I've got from where I am, and from there, we can make the most of any situation, even a seemingly bad one. How does that sit with you?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 29:58

What is that quote? It's the Serenity Prayer, which says, Let me basically, let me be able to know what I can change.

Mick Spiers: 30:06

Yeah, God give me the serenity to bear with the thing and I'm getting it wrong as well. Bear with the things I cannot change, to change the things that I can change, and to know the difference that we're both messing it up, but it's, it's along that line, but yeah, that's it. It's, it's understanding what we can and can't change, and then having the courage to change it when we can change it.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 30:30

And I would even add, just believing you can change things, most of the things in our life, we have an opportunity to. Impact the process, so we can change how we act, what we create. So for an we tend to define our success based on the outcome of our life and the situation or our current, this present point in time, like if you're in a work environment and you're trying to get on a project, and someone said, No, you would be angry about not getting on that project, but that is only one door towards the inner direction that you want to go. What are behind all the other doors? So instead of being the victim of your current situation, ask yourself, How do I start building the path towards the goal that I have for myself? Instead of waiting for others to create one for me that I walk down, we do that in almost every situation.

Mick Spiers: 32:05

Yeah. Well said, Ben. One of the things that also caught my attention then was that about the power of always being present. So this is touching on the world of mindfulness, if you like, but making sure that you're present in the moment. What makes that important, Ben?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 32:21

We never get today back ever, and the time that you have with the people in front of you or in the thing that you're doing at any given time is the most important place to put your attention. We're very often living in fear of the future. We're living in fear of regret of the past, and we miss out on the happiness or the opportunities that the President provide us. Me in the book, I talk about never rushing a hug. So this tip came for me because I was rushing hugs. And so one Friday, I was like, wow, I really missed out on creating a positive moment in my relationship there. So I jumped on the Friday video and made a whole few minute thing about just hugs, and I've never forgotten that, because, you know, they're going to be days where you can't hug that person. There's going to be days where you can't play with your dog, pet your cat. There might be days where you can't walk to kind of like rush because of a project or because of a deadline, or because of a time that you're supposed to meet somebody somewhere, because of stress that you feel. That's kind of sad when you think about it, and I don't want to regret those moments.

Mick Spiers: 33:29

Yeah, well said, Ben, there were two things that popped into my mind when I was reading that element. The first one is slightly different what you're saying, and I'm going to play that to you. And then the second one that probably doubles down on what you just said. So the first one about being present, everything that was said before, about feel your feelings, don't believe your beliefs, the the asking yourself the question about, do I even know this to be true? If we're not present, we won't have the awareness to be able to even challenge those thoughts and challenge those beliefs because we're walking around on autopilot, would be the first thing, and then the second one, I think you've said it beautifully, but this temporal aspect of you can't change the past, and no amount of regret will change the past. We can learn from the past, like you said before, but no amount of regret will change the past, no amount of anxiety will change the future. But what we can do is make the most of the present moment. How do those two things sit with you? One is the situational awareness, and then one is the temporal awareness of no the only moment is this moment?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 34:38

Overall, in trying to build a pause from reacting to our environment to being able to be proactive in our environment, to say whatever happens around me is the thing I can't change in this instant. Now, based on the things I care about, what do I want to do? And with presence that is possible, without presence that is not and when we're overly stressed or frustrated or anxious or living in fear, generally, we have a hard time building that pause in from the other piece, which is worrying about the past, worrying about the future, not being able to impact any of them in this moment really, basically having to wait for the future thing to happen or to pave a different path in a direction that can maybe get to a different place we want to go, but we, for sure, can't change the past. All of that, I think, requires the ability to have that pause. I used to have a pause button in front of me, by the way, it would just be a little button that I would push to remind myself to wait. And one of the number one things I work with leaders on, by the way, is communication. And generally that is not waiting to communicate, but over communicating. So jumping in, not listening, directing. And I bet you, if you're that way, when you talk to people, you might not have that pause when you're not with people, either. And so it's important you can even just practice in conversation to give someone a couple of seconds of silence before jumping in to try not to interrupt people for a day and see what that does for you in terms of your own life, in terms of how your inner chatter.

Mick Spiers: 36:08

Oh, that's really powerful. I've never thought of it that way. I have always seen that ability to pause as a sign of respect and to make sure that I show that the other person that. But I'm truly listening to them. Also try to pause when I'm speaking to allow people to process what I'm saying, etc, etc. But do I have a pause the negative in a chatter, or even if it's not negative in a chatter, just the inner voice? No, I don't think I do Ben, I don't think I've ever done that. That's a big takeaway for me today. I love, love it all right. Now we have spent a lot of time on the what I'm going to say is the first section of your book, which is around personal and around mindset, like to just do a rapid fire go through some of the rest, because there's so many more powerful things in the book, band. And what I wanted to concentrate today was on that mindset piece. But there are many other nuggets of gold here as well, but we'll do it in a in a faster sense. So under this banner of success, you talk about always dreaming bigger, about changing your how for success, about investing in yourself, about ignoring your critics. Where does this whole concept of success come in with Becoming Fearless?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 37:25

When I was putting this book together, I was trying to really think about who I was talking to, because people have a different definition of success. But I think that there are at least from the people that I talk to, a large majority of them that would like to achieve more. Either they're professional, they're they're executive leaders, they're younger leaders. Want to grow their entrepreneurs. They're people that want to do more, but their fear is holding them back. For who am I to create that business? Who am I to be in that director or senior director or executive level role? And while you're you, and if you want to achieve it, you can. So let's talk about how to get there, and also let's talk about a healthy mindset that in terms of what is success and what should you believe success is in a positive way to help you achieve it, or to define it in a way that serves you and still allow you to make progress. One of the simplest things that we talk about in the book, too, is investing in yourself. Again, I can't tell you how many leaders I work with that haven't read a leadership book, don't listen to podcasts such as this. But if your goals are to grow and to achieve something new, well, let's talk about how to get there. And yes, you can achieve it, and the actions to to help you achieve it involve an actual investment of time or even money sometimes, but towards your goals instead of just towards like material things and such.

Mick Spiers: 38:45

So there's a couple of things there I'm hearing as well. Ben is about overcoming something of our limiting beliefs, again, maybe some of the imposter syndrome. And then I'm hearing, take action, invest in yourself, if you do know what you're trying to achieve in your own definition of success? It won't happen by sitting around just thinking about it. Happens by investing in yourself and taking action

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 39:11

And prioritizing what that success is very see very often with high achievers and high performers. I know we have time to go through the entire book, but just tend to spread themselves very thin and then think they don't have time to work in the things that are going to lead them to greater growth. Again, working with an executive today thinks everything is important. It creates personal excuses on the fact that he needs to work on executive presence and storytelling. But then that was we've been working together a little bit now, though, and he caught himself, and he goes up. That's an excuse. I do have the time I need to block my calendar. I need to spend invest my time in preparing for to become the type of person that I want to be. And these other priorities need to change.

Mick Spiers: 39:53

Yeah, we become what we prioritize, and if our schedule is just scattergun all over the place. Don't expect any really prolific results on the thing that you're trying to focus on. Yeah, well well done. Ben, all right, let's go into the professional side then that now that makes a lot of sense. So you talk about using this fearlessness as a way to drive job satisfaction, about remembering how great you are and the true meaning of your work, and tell me how we apply this in our professional life around job satisfaction?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 40:28

So job satisfaction has a couple different components, but to summarize it and make it quick, generally, we're afraid to change the things we need to change to make ourselves happy at work, we think our job is what it is, not what we need it to be. And so we don't take action. We don't even think of our job in a positive way, if we're generally going into work trying to find reasons not to be happy. And so fearlessness relates to the actions you could take as well as the mindsets you can take. See this theme here when it comes to your job to make sure that you're happier at work.

Mick Spiers: 41:00

The other chapter that caught my attention was leadership presence. So this is The Leadership Project. So a lot of leaders are watching the show. And by the way, we we do speak about leadership in three dimensions, leading self, leading others and leading the business. So all leaders, everything that Ben has been saying up to this point about. Personal mindset. It's where you got to start. Once you get through that and you're looking to lead others, you're bringing this in now in terms of leadership presence, what does it mean to become fearless in terms of your leadership presence?Ben?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 41:36

And I feel like I'm doing the book some injustice, because you're asking these great questions, and I just want to say in terms of leadership presence, you know, the book focuses on engaging in meetings, trusting, first, respecting the way others work, asking questions before making suggestions, leading with optimism, focusing on solutions, like all these different traits that a leader can help them have a greater level of executive presence, but do it in a fearless way, because we tend to hold ourselves back from these things, like, for example, delegation. It is like the trinity of leadership skills, and so many leaders are stuck in micromanagement because they're afraid to trust their team, or the potential of maybe something going wrong, and also maybe not knowing, not being looking bad, potentially to their senior kind of leader. But all that is about fear. And so we we need to realize, if we want to become the leader that is fearless, then we need to exemplify the executive leadership skills despite how we feel about doing them. And that so that might be, might mean you have to build some greater confidence in learning the skill. It might mean you have to take a small step and be uncomfortable with something new and try something different. It might be that you open up and share something with a mentor that you haven't done before. It might mean that you give certain feedback to someone that you've been afraid to give. Will improve the outcomes of a project. And so it is all encompassing, but basically it just relates to your presence and traits overall.

Mick Spiers: 43:07

I think you've nailed this. Ben, first of all, the role modeling of behaviors that you want to see in others. So if you want others to step up and step in and overcome their own limiting beliefs and fears. You need to be able to role model, let you do it yourself. And you've got some wonderful things there about presence and about holding space for others so that they can actually do that. And then the common fears, and we do a lot of work on The Leadership Project with these the common fears of leaders can be delegation, like you said, and the other one is giving someone feedback. And this one is a really interesting one, Ben, because it's really counterintuitive. Because if you ask most leaders, do they enjoy getting feedback? Most of them, not all. Most of them are going to say yes, because if there's something that they're not doing well, that they're not aware of. They can't do anything about it, and yet, you ask that same leader, well, okay, now you've got a staff member who needs to hear some feedback. What's holding you back? That's that fear of the uncomfortable conversation. It's the fear that's holding them back from giving that feedback. So if there's leaders listening to the show now that could be either of those two, or it could be another one adjacent to this Ben, either the fear of delegation, because what if it goes wrong, or the fear of giving feedback, or just the fear of external validation, what will people think of me, their own identity and their own ego can get in the road here. How do they step forward and start addressing these things if they're self recognizing, listening to the two of us right now? How does a leader take the first step in overcoming some of those fears?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 44:57

So if you want to get feedback, by the way you might be afraid to ask for it, and so the solution, generally would be to start giving feedback and create a norm and role model, as you talked about but then if you're afraid of giving feedback, then we have to learn a little bit of how to give feedback, because generally, we're afraid of giving feedback because we're afraid of offending someone, we're afraid of ruining the relationship we're afraid of how it might impact us. It's a very selfish general generally, like a certain fear. And so you can start with something pretty easy and just give positive feedback. Can find something that you really think someone is doing well and just start practicing that. Try to do it once a week, and get used to creating this culture of kind of positive feedback. And then once you've learned a little bit and feel more comfortable on constructive feedback, you can start small, and you generally like there's a model that you might know. And generally, what I try to recommend is SBIC, which is you talk like you learn a framework, and you try it with someone that you trust, first, someone that you have really strong relationship with, and on something really easy, really small, and something that is not about the person, but is about some sort of future development opportunity. And it's as we start taking these small steps, you start impacting the culture and the expectations of the people around you, and you start changing them of yourself, and that will lead to some change and hopefully becoming a little bit more fearless on the topic

Mick Spiers: 46:18

What I'm here Ben is the what I'd refer to as the competence, confidence cycle. So I'm hearing that you start small, you're stepping outside your comfort zone. Start with something small, and you'll build the competence by practicing it. And you're using an SBI C framework. I use a similar one sbia. So use a framework to help you get started. You build some competence in using that framework. And when you start small, and you take that first step and it works, you build a bit of confidence. And then next time you're going to try a little bit further step, even further outside your comfort zone, you'll build a little bit more competence, and it's going to be successful again, and then you're going to build more confidence. And it's just this kind of virtuous cycle that's going to build upon itself now. And by the way, it won't go perfectly every time, but you need to be able to reset and to be able to learn from it and go again. So I'm hearing you got to step in. You got to step outside that comfort zone. And you got to give it a go, try something that is manageable first, and start building the confidence that it works. How does that sit with you?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 47:32

100% and you start changing expectations of the people around you too. You create a culture of feedback.

Mick Spiers: 47:39

All right, brilliant. Now, we've been going for a while now, and we want to encourage the audience to buy the book, because there's so much more in this than what you and I have been discussing. We've gone deeper into some of the chapters, and we've skimmed over some of the others there. There is an amazing amount of useful reference here and validating statements that you can use to help you to conquer your fears and to get fear to work for you instead of against you. Ben, what I'd like to do is give you the floor for a few final statements, if you were to sum up what you want to see people use this book for and how it can help them to approach Becoming Fearless. What's the best way that you would sum it up?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 48:27

If you're in your life saying, I can't do that, I would love for someone to open a book to the chapter that relates to that I can't because there probably will be something there, and dedicate at least a week of their time, maybe half an hour a day, focused on believing that they can or proving to themselves that they can, I cared unbelievably deeply about people feeling empowered and accountable for their own success in their life, and that success can be not doing anything, by the way, that success doesn't mean that the hustle and the grind and the book Becoming Fearless should hopefully help people get there.

Mick Spiers: 49:01

Yeah, well done. Ben, I'm going to add a couple, if that's okay, just from what I took away. So I do believe it's a reference. I do believe it's going to be one of these books where you don't read it once that you go back to it. You might read it once, the first time, cover to cover, because it's manageable in that regard, and you are going to go back to it at different points in your life, something might be going on, and you go into that specific chapter to help you to remind yourself, a little reminder of no you you can take control here. And if I was to sum up what I took away from the book in a few words, it's the word curiosity, actually, to get curious about your fears, to challenge your thoughts, to challenge your feelings, and ask yourself the question, what is this trying to tell me? Almost like, why this emotion? Why this emotion? Now? What is this emotion trying to tell me? What is this feeling? What are these thoughts do I know these thoughts to be true, and then to step in and take action, because you can't control what's happening around you, but you can control how you respond. Everything I took away from the book is summed up in kind of those three elements, Ben.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 50:14

I'm going to make a little mini book, and it's just going to have that and that it's going to attach. I'm going to attach it to the front cover.

Mick Spiers: 50:21

Well done. Okay, so it's a wonderful reference for everyone. I encourage you to get a copy. We'll Ben. I'll share with you in a moment how you can, if you're listening to this early, you can go on to a pre order list. And if you're listening to it after, like after it's been after this episode has been launched for a few months, you can obviously go and directly Buy your copy, and I encourage you to do so. So Ben, we normally finish off with our Rapid Round, which are the same four questions that we ask all of our guests. But you've been on the show before, so you've answered some of these questions before. So I'm going to do a very much an abridged version, I would like to know, what have you learned since the last time you're on the show, particularly as you've put this book book together, learn about yourself. What have you learned about yourself and what have you learned about others from the process of bringing this book to life?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 51:16

I learned that I was a very, very, very different person. Um In the past, when I needed to learn these steps and these strategies and tricks, and how integrated in my life and my personality they've become, and how even more important it is that I want other people to learn them too. Because the level of confidence and clarity and control I feel over my life, my relationships, the contentedness that I feel each and every single day is something that I value greatly. But the other piece that I learned from that thought, though, is that I need to remember what it's like to not feel this way, because that's how you truly can help people that do.

Mick Spiers: 51:54

Yeah, that was a really powerful one. Ben as well as remember when you didn't feel like that. Remember when you did feel joy, when remember when you did feel happiness, is as part of learning from the past. You can't change your past, but you can learn from the past. You've all felt it at some point. What was it? What was going on in your life at that time that you felt that joy, that happiness, that you felt fearless at that time. A really powerful message. All right, finally, how do people find it? Ben, how do people find you? And how do people find a copy of the book, either to pre order or to purchase?

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 52:27

So you can go to liveforyourself,consulting.com/becoming fearless, you can get to get on the list, but it will be very shortly, up on Amazon, starting September 17, 2024 depending on when you hear this and you can't find any of those things, connect with me on LinkedIn. Dr Benjamin Ritter, send me a message. Be like I heard you on The Leadership Project. I have no idea where your book is. Help me out, and I'm I'll send you the link too.

Mick Spiers: 52:53

All right, brilliant. Ben, it's been such a pleasure having you back on the show. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and guidance with us today. This is a deep topic. It's a one that impacts all of us. We all experience fear in our life. You're not unusual. If you're experiencing fear. What makes a difference is how we process that fear and what we do about it. Thank you again, Ben, it's been an absolute pleasure.

Dr. Benjamin Ritter: 53:22

It's been a pleasure to you. Thank you, Mick.Mick.

Mick Spiers: 53:23

You've been listening to The Leadership Project in the next episode, it'll be a Self Reflection Friday, where I'll be sharing my reflections on everything that I took away from the episode with Ben Ritter today, which was really game changing for me. I'll also be sharing My Leadership Reflections from this week, including the very complex relationship that we can have where sometimes as leader, where our well intentioned actions have unintentional consequences for our team members. If you are finding our content valuable, we would love it if you could leave us a rating and review on Apple podcast or your preferred podcast service. You can also subscribe to The Leadership Project YouTube channel, where we share weekly video podcasts, curated videos and our weekly live stream show. Thank you for listening to The Leadership Project mickspiers.com a huge call out to Faris Sedek for his video editing of all of our video content and to all of the team at TLP. Joan Gozon, Gerald Calibo and my amazing wife Sei Spiers, I could not do this show without you. Don't forget to subscribe to The Leadership Project YouTube channel where we bring you interesting videos each and every week, and you can follow us on social, particularly on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. Now, in the meantime, please do take care, look out for each other and join us on this journey as we learn together and lead together.